INFINITE BEINGS

What if I could see each person before me at the gas station window as a divine being? It feels to me now that this would be a process of waking up. It seems totally possible –to at least move in this direction, not necessarily to succeed all the time. It will require that I move beyond all my knee-jerk, instinctive responses to each person’s individual differences: smart/dumb, good-looking/plain, friendly/cool, cool/clunky, etc.

Moments later: this is so difficult! It feels impossible. I am so caught in appearances that I seem to immediately get lost, to go to sleep. A couple of tips for me, though: giving them a big, generous smile seems to loosen the judgmental mechanism in me. Likewise being really friendly towards them. If they present open and warm – or if I can help them get there – it is easier to set in motion the chemistry that builds on itself and allows a little bit of infinity to flow in. I get tripped up by the limitations in how people hold themselves, their defenses, etc.

This exercise could be more than enough to keep me busy in this job for a long time. I bet it also can cut the legs out from under any hurry to get out of this job. What goes on in each transaction that trips me up? How can I get around it, meet it, etc.? I bet a lot of what gets in the way is how I hold myself. We all carry so many layers and layers of conditioning and self-protection that mask our spiritual essence. Maybe, by breathing, slowing down, not being in a hurry, feeling honored to have another divine being in front of me….

This is obviously going to take a lot of progress. I want to remember to practice and to pay attention to what in them, in me, in the interaction keeps me from doing this. It’s definitely easier with kids. Then, after kids, young women? Or older people? I think they really come next. Or people who make good contact with me – who arrive at the window open. It really helps when I manage to charm them, when I see any change in their stance from stiff (dead) to animated (alive – what is the meaning of that word?)

Last night a 30ish hippy guy just absolutely stopped in his tracks when he realized I was genuinely showing up for him. He obviously had not expected this. Did this make it easier for me to see the divine being in him? Not consciously at the time, but maybe a little movement in that direction.

How do I do this with people who just drop their money and go – no engagement, no eye contact? Maybe that might almost be easier, without all the limitations and defenses in front of you.

Anything that treats people inclusively helps. Teasing, joking, playing seem to work wonders – really open up a space for a taste of infinity to slip in. Why is that? It requires a little drop in my defenses and theirs, a little bit (or more) of collaboration, for us to play together. A successful tease or joke requires that we work together, especially if we really banter together – at least one round of back and forth. It is, energetically, like a good tennis rally.

· This short, big-necked guy – always friendly – gave me two distinct winks today. So cute, he must be feeling really comfy with me, dropping his guard – it’s a kind of playing.
· Just putting a little lilt in my voice causes things to happen.
· This lady laughing over not remembering the name of her car style – very cute.
· This other lady broke into the sweetest, warmest, delicious smile, over my smile – it had to be because of that.
- And then this 70ish guy. His face is programmed, I think, to just not open as wide. But he got a gleam in his eye and, I think, a little extra playfulness in the tip of his hand to his head – a little salute.